Tears on the Treadmill

In early March, I entered into a weight loss challenge with my father, brother and husband. At week 4, I was down 11.4 pounds and I hit a couple of personal goals in the process. But, I feel like I still have a long way to go.

I would like to lose another 30 pounds to reach my goal, and yes I have 30 pounds to lose, which leads me to the theme of this post. I believe that throughout my life I was never fully confident about how my body or face looked. Yea, I act like I am super awesome and most of the time I believe that, but sometimes I feel less than awesome and unsatisfied with how my body looks or how I feel.

So, this is where the sappy stuff comes in ...

Today, I went to the local Y for my lunch break. I went on the treadmill to run/walk for a half hour. I just got back to the gym after a few years off, so it is more of a jog than a sprint. By the time 28 minutes had ticked down and the sweat was dripping from my forehead, the song switched to Lady Gaga's "Born this Way." I raised the speed of the treadmill to run and started to listen to the lyrics ...

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are,
She said, 'Cause He made you perfect, babe,'
So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say ..."

As I mouthed along to the words, I felt myself starting to well up. I was running and crying, but not because I was in pain; it was because of the lyrics. The words were really resonating with me. I actually felt like Gaga was talking to me, which I think is the real point of her song. Weight loss isn't just a physical journey, it is an emotional one too. Ask anyone whose image in the mirror has been seriously altered. I've been there a few times in my life.

"I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes,
I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way ..."

Since day one of the challenge, I've been trying hard to get healthy and lose weight. I've lost a chunk so far, but no matter how heavy I think I am or what size my jeans are, there are still people who love me and depend on me. And, I am still proud of myself for putting this initial effort forth. I can be my biggest champ or my biggest enemy. It's my choice.

"Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set,
I'm on the right track, baby,
I was born this way (Born this way) ..."

It's OK if I work my butt off and only lose 20 pounds. It's OK if I only go down one dress size. It is OK if I don't win the weight loss competition, but I won't stop trying, no matter my shape or size, this is me. Like it or not, I was born this way.