The Strangeness Has Begun

It wasn't strange that I got pregnant. It wasn't even strange that I saw two lines on the test because I always knew I would get pregnant some day. The oddest thing right now at five months along is that I can feel him or her moving.

Being the foodie that I am, I'm used to gas pains, bubbles and cramps, but now I have a little bit more going on in my belly and it's not the result of a big meal. Every night and sometimes during the day, I feel a little flutter here and there and I know there's a little guy or girl in there. Sometimes it surprises me and sometimes I just sit and wait for something to happen. It is really pretty cool and also it reassures me that the baby is OK and growing. Thank you God.

Now, this whole big belly thing, well, this is something I'll have to get used to, along with the interesting comments.

Insulted by the Name Calling

"If you voted for Obama in 2008 to prove you're not a racist, you'll have to vote for someone else in 2012 to prove you're not an idiot." 

So, let me get this straight, you (the more educated and worldly person) want me to vote for one of these three guys: One who hides his money in off-shore accounts so he can try to fool us into thinking he isn't rich. Another who is "very religious" but has two divorces under his belt and a record of adultery while asking his ex-wives to allow it, and the third who has a 20-year-old daughter but wants to ban contraception and feminine care, even if she is raped, she will just have to deal. 

Interesting ... I wonder what an idiot like me is to do.

The Menu has Changed

Food is a very big deal in my life, and lately it's been a lot more important and a lot less available.

As a pregnant woman, there is an extensive list of food I cannot eat ... sadly. The items on this list could harm me or my baby, so I have to cut things out like alcohol and caffeine. The only alcohol I've put in my mouth in the past four months is in Scope mouthwash. My kind friends let me smell their beer or wine while we are out, and that will be satisfaction enough for me for the next 6 months.

A ham sandwich is also out. I can't eat any cold cuts unless I heat them up and kill any possible bacteria that can carry listeria. What fun is that? So, in this case, a sandwich is not a hero.

Sushi or any raw fish is not allowed in my belly either. Usually, my sushi of choice is a spicy tuna roll of some sort, but tuna is the biggest culprit for mercury intake. Sushi will have to wait, but hibachi is allowed, so Japanese food isn't completely banned.

However, Greek food is useless to me if I can't incorporate any feta cheese. Soft and unpasteurized cheeses are out of question, including the blue cheese dressing that accompanies buffalo wings. I don't love stinky cheese, so I'm not bothered by this, but Greek and Turkish foods are out.

Most recently, I've found out that French fries, hash browns and potato chips all have acrylamide in them, which is a cancer-causing agent, so those have been added to the list.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've been eating like a champ lately because pizza, pasta and salad are all on my crave list, especially balsamic or zesty dressings. Also, the doctor has said that I need to eat five small meals a day, and my family and friends don't let me skip a meal, which I kind of like.

So, the plan is that when this baby pops out, I'm getting a Super Club hero from TJ's Hero Shop in Patchogue and picking up a six-pack of Franzikaner Heferweisen for lunch, and then going to Sumou to get sushi and wine for dinner. I may get tipsy real quick, but it will be delicious. Who wants to join me?

New Clothes

Last week I told you I was preggo and this week I'm going to share with you one of the benefits: NEW CLOTHES.

So by new clothes, I'm not talking "catwalk, top-of-the-line, can barely breathe in them" clothes, I'm talking "eat whatever the heck you want, expands to allow for more food, breathable" clothes. These little, err big, wonders of fashion were made so that a preggo didn't have to care if her body was expanding in all areas, she could still walk without a wedgie and she could sit without creating an enormous muffin top. Ah, comfort.

There are these full-panel pants that are regular pants from hip to ankle, but a whole separate ball game up top. These gems are stretchy from your pelvis, up past your stomach, past your ribcage, to just right below your bra line. And, in the winter, that's like 15 extra inches of warmth my friends. I'm seriously contemplating wearing them after I give birth so I don't have to button another pair of pants again, but that may just be the laziness talking. Now, I'm not quite the fattest I can be yet, so I'm just wearing these pants now because: A. I have them, and B. My real clothes make me feel like a sausage.

The only real problem I am facing is that I'm not feeling all that sexy in anything I wear or don't wear, which I know comes with the territory. However, I'm pretty sure I should care, but I really kind of don't. I'd rather daydream about having a Victoria's Secret body after I pop out a kid, like they do on TV.

New Beginnings

Right after Halloween, I went to go see the Conan O'Brien show with my brother. We drove into the city together and went to a bar to kill time before the show started. I had a Hoegaarden and a sip of his Captain Lawrence Smoked Porter that disgustingly tasted like liquid sausage. That was the last sip of beer I had.

The next day I got to work and realized that it was time to take a pregnancy test because I was late and I had never been late in my life. So during lunch, I ran out to CVS and got myself a pack of three tests because you can never be too sure. That night when I returned home, my husband was waiting for me to take the test. I took one and it had one line and another faint line next to it. Pregnant. I took another test. Two lines again. Pregnant. We were amazed.

When we told my parents, it was great. We brought bagels over and I wrapped a book with "Grandma" in the title for my mother that I had purchased last year for just this moment, if it ever came. I gave her the book and she said thank you but wondered what it meant. I said, "I'm pregnant," through a few tears and then they started to cry. My dad jumped up out of his seat with tears in his eyes to hug me and my mother rushed over to hug Tom. Neither of them wanted to let go, it seemed. It was a priceless reaction.

A few days later, we went over to Tom's parents' house to tell them our news. It was a little less emotional of a reaction, but it was characteristic. Tom's mother was excited and his father's quote was, "Glad to see you still have lead in your pencil." He has a crude way of saying things that gets the point across and makes us laugh at the same time. Hysterical.

So, today I am 14 weeks pregnant. I have the sonograms to prove it and I have heard my baby's heartbeat. It is so strange to have a person growing inside you that is now the size of a lemon. I know the size because I am updated every week on the fruit or vegetable that my baby resembles. Just weeks ago he or she was the size of an olive and now, today - a lemon. But tomorrow, as I start my 15th week, the fruit will change and be something slightly bigger than a lemon.

No sickness, just a little nausea a few weeks ago, and no belly yet as I begin my second trimester. I can just feel a little protrusion in my lower abdomen and most of my pants don't fit anymore. We celebrated Christmas Eve and I had two of the seven fishes. We had a New Year's Eve party and I enjoyed sparkling grape juice. No cold cut sandwiches. No caffeinated beverages and definitely no alcohol, but it will all be worth it when I have a healthy baby in my arms ... and that day will make its way here in about 7 months. Oh man, what have I gotten myself into ...

Let Me in Your Brain, Just for a Minute

Sometimes I wish I was a mind reader so that I didn't have to guess what people thought. To wonder what is going on in a person's mind is one of life's great mysteries, but if everything was just laid out for you, what fun would life be?

However, wouldn't it be so much easier if we just knew what a person thought, like when you are fighting with your husband  or wife, or when your friend stops talking to you for no reason, or when someone says they are happy for you but their face says otherwise? It would be so efficient to just jump into their brain and hear their thoughts to know if you should be mad or just patient because they are not good at communicating.

Wouldn't life be much simpler? But, I guess life is complicated and there is not too much we can do about it. Here's to hoping ...

Happy Holidays!

People make such a big deal about saying "Happy Holidays" versus "Merry Christmas." How would you like it if people went around saying "Happy Hanukkah" all of December and you celebrated Christmas? It would be like they were ignoring your faith, right? Exactly.

I understand that Christmas is more prominent, but that doesn't make it right to ignore the fact that you are guessing a person's religion when you greet them. In a way, it is like presuming someone is fat instead of pregnant because there is a greater chance that they have put on pounds by eating too much and living a sedentary lifestyle, than by insemination. Maybe that's pushing it, but you get my drift.

This year, Christmas falls within the eight days of Hanukkah, so there is one day when they are both being celebrated at the same time and to say "Happy Holidays" would cover them both. So, why ignore and disrespect an entire religion when all you have to do is change your festive greeting? You can even say "Season's Greetings" if that makes you feel better. It is the "Season of Giving," so give in.

My (Always-Growing) Life List

Over the years, I have created a list of things that I have wanted to do, see or experience. This list will never stop growing as long as I continue living because there are always going to be things I want to know about. The items with red information, I have already accomplished.

1. See the dome of the Sistine Chapel                
2. Dogsled in the area of the Iditarod (will not compete)
3. Swim with dolphins and sting rays (Discovery Cove, 2006)                      
4. Go inside a pyramid
5. Climb a waterfall (Ocho Rios, Jamaica, 2001)
6. See the Grand Canyon and walk on the Skywalk (Las Vegas Trip, 2007)
7. Make Crème Brulee (30 B4 30, 2010)
8. Eat at Tavern on the Green (Sept. 2, 2005)
9. Take a carriage ride around Central Park (Sept. 2, 2005)
10. Ride in a helicopter
11. Ride in a hot air balloon
12. Go whale watching
13. Go white water rafting (Smoky Mountain Outdoors, Sept. 1, 2015)
14. Country line dance after learning the steps (Wildhorse Saloon, June 29, 2010)
15. See the inside of the Oval Office
16. Walk on the Great Wall of China
17. Hike up and down a mountain
18. Ride in a gondola in Italy
19. Visit the Louvre Museum and see the Mona Lisa up close
20. See the Northern Lights, a.k.a. Aurora Borealis (October – March)
21. Pet a penguin (Sea World, 2004)        
22. Attend a real Hawaiian luau (Honeymoon, Sept. 16, 2008)        
23. Learn Italian
24. Learn to tap dance
25. Get married (2008)
26. Have a child (2012 and 2015)          
27. Write a book and have it published
28. Go on an African safari             
29. Experience La Tomatina in Spain (last Wednesday in August)   
30. Drive cross country in an RV
31. Eat at The Lady and Sons in Savannah, GA
32. Visit Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard and take a bike ride
33. Take a train north on the west coast (American Orient Express)
34. See Mount Rushmore in South Dakota
35. See the Crazy Horse Memorial in South Dakota     
36. Take a baking class
37. Throw a penny in the Trevi Fountain in Rome
38. See the sea turtles in the Cayman Islands
39. Visit Australia
40. Drink a cocktail out of a real pineapple (Disney, Aug. 18, 2009)
41. Stay overnight in a castle
42. Go wine tasting in Napa Valley, CA
43. Drive on the Pacific Coast Highway
44. See a Cirque du Soleil show (O, January 2011)
45. Watch the Sunset Celebration at Mallory Square in Key West
46. Eat lobster in Maine (July 28, 2013)
47. Swim in a cavern
48. Swim under a waterfall (Honeymoon, Sept. 18, 2008)
49. Go zip lining (Honeymoon, Sept. 17, 2008)
50. Ride a segway (Disney, 2006)
51. Visit Scotland
52. Enter my artwork in a juried exhibition (May 2011 and February 2012)
53. Visit the Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Factory in Waterbury, Vermont
54. Attend a Tickertape Parade (Giants, February 2008)
55. Swim with manatees
56. Take a picture with a parrot on my shoulder
57. Visit Yellowstone National Park and see geysers
58. Play a round of golf (Spring Lake, July 8, 2009, 9 holes)
59. Take a shower in a stall with shower heads shooting in all directions
60. Go to the NYC St. Patrick’s Day Parade (March 17, 2010)
61. Ride in a zorb (Pigeon Forge, TN, July 2, 2010 and Sept. 2, 2015)
62. Go to an auction at Christie’s or Sotheby’s
63. Take a pottery/ceramics class. (SJC, Sept. 24, 2011)
64. Visit Philip Island to see the Penguin Parade
65. See the Conan O'Brien Show (Nov. 1, 2011)
66. Visit the Galapagos Islands and meet animals in their natural habitat
67. Eat Beignets (Walt Disney World, 2015)
68. Soak in hot springs
69. Take a spa vacation
70. Go to Freeport, Maine for the holidays
71. Take a foodie tour
72. Have a sandwich named after me
73. Move to a whole new place (Nov. 7, 2017)
74. Ride the Royal Gorge Cloudscraper in Colorado
75. Become a Disney Passholder (Aug. 25, 2018)
76. Get my Ed.D. or Ph.D.
77. Release baby turtles into the ocean
78. Go on a shopping spree
79. Try acupuncture
80. Leave a 100% tip for a server
81. Attend a film premiere
82. Attend a gay pride event
83. Be an extra in a movie, show, or commercial (Frontrunner Casting, Disney Holiday Special, Nov. 13, 2021)
84. Stay at an all-inclusive resort
85. See a coral reef
86. Make fresh pasta
87. Hug a Redwood Tree
88. Drive a boat
89. Climb a lighthouse

I love the help in The Help

There are movies that entertain and there are movies that make you question who you are and what your place is in this world. The Help is both.

The Help is a movie based on the fictional book of the same name by Katheryn Stockett. It is about the housemaids who raise the children, cook and clean the houses of young white wives and mothers of the 1960s. The way these maids were treated and how black people in general were treated fifty years ago really was deplorable and watching it hurt my heart. I spent most of the movie tearing up or crying. I was truly sad at some points, but I know that is how it really was back then and that really pissed me off.

There are many times in your life where you ask yourself if you are going to let something ethically wrong happen because you are too afraid to act and do what is right. I try to live my life in a way that I don't allow such things to happen in my presence and I try to make people understand why intolerance and racism is wrong, but I can't do it all the time and that is a failure that I have to deal with. After watching this movie, you will ask yourself whether or not you are a good person and what side you would be on, and hopefully you will choose the right, morally sound side because that's the side you should be on.

Next, onto the book.

What I Have Learned So Far...(Item #5)

Today I learned that you shouldn't leave blue painter's tape on too long because if you do, it may rip up the paint underneath it. This paint may also be ceiling paint that the previous owner did not leave behind for you to touch up the ceiling with.

What I Have Learned So Far...(Item #4)

Today I learned that you should learn how to use a steam cleaner correctly. If you do not, you might create puddles all over your floor or soak your pajamas. Also, learn how to use the attachments so that you do not have to lift up the whole device to clean your couch and hurt your back.

What I Have Learned So Far...(Item #3)

Today I found out that you should blow dry your hair with the door closed or away from the door if your smoke detector is right outside of the bathroom. If you don't, the smoke alarm will go off because of the hot air coming out of your dryer and scare you and your dog in the early morning.

What I Have Learned So Far...(Item #2)

Something else that I found out as a homeowner is to learn how to load the dishwasher correctly. If you don't, you may put the knives in with the blade facing up and stab yourself in the wrist while trying to put the spoons or forks in.

Happy 31st Birthday to Me!

Today I turn 31. 31. I don't even like the sound of it. It is both an odd and a prime number. However, I was told at a bar recently that I look 23 and the person "would have never guessed I was even close to 30." Ah, the wonder of face cream and good genes.

I don't mind aging because it shows that I survived yet another year on this earth without a bus hitting me or suffering from bad sushi. But, I do mind people saying that my clock is ticking, I am not getting any younger, etc. I think my life is just getting started. I am not over any sort of hill yet. This may be a year of BIG changes though; with the whole new house and all. Ya never know. I guess you will have to stay tuned to see what kind of excitement, madness or stupidity ensue.

What I Have Learned So Far...(Item #1)

Now that I am a homeowner and living in my house, there are have been "learning experiences" or mistakes that made me flip out or get hurt and taught me not to do them again. From now on, I will share my newly acquired knowledge with you so that you can learn from my many mistakes.

First thing I learned is that you should not label paint cans by sight. You should actually paint little squares on the wall to see which paint is correct for that room. If not, you will have to stay up until 3:15 a.m. painting an entire room a new shade of tan. 

My New Tattoo

On June 29, 2003 the person who I bonded with most died. It has been eight years since that day and it still feels like it happened yesterday. Before her death, I would sit in my car and cry because I was afraid of what would happen when that day came. I even found myself having those feelings after her death and reminding myself that she is already gone. Now, I get upset sometimes when I think about my parents or TK dying before me. I am more afraid of other people dying than I am of dying myself.

So, in honor of my grandmother, her death and who she was to me, I got a tattoo. I am sure she would hate the idea if she was alive, but she isn't so she can't argue with me about it. This tattoo is my second (after my Hidden Mickey two years ago) and I got it on July 3. It is a tribal elephant that I found online. It is the symbol for an African tribe that I had customized. The trunk was down, but I needed it up because down is bad luck and up is good luck. The elephant was my grandmother's favorite animal and it is a symbol of royalty and grace. She had elephants on everything; nightgowns, blankets, coffee mugs...you name it, she had it. My mother even made me a little pillow out of a piece of her favorite elephant blanket.

When I had finally printed out the symbol and decided what I wanted, I asked Danielle at Michael Angelo Ink, to draw in my grandmother's initials (Gloria Dolores Sirico = G.D.S.) and she did a great job. It is on my lower back hip, just below my pant line, and it is in all black. It took about 45 minutes from start to finish, but it seemed pretty fast. It hurt more than my first one, which I thought was odd because there is more chunk on my hip than on my ribcage, but I love it and I love that I can honor her every day of my life with this symbolic artwork.

I have said that I would get this tattoo since I got my other one, and I finally did it. I guess it just goes to show that I do what I say I am going to do and sometimes you have to go through some pain to prove your love. I guess I am one for bold statements and am committed, or should be committed. Either one.

Melissa = Homeowner (YAY!)

We closed on our house at the end of last week and now we are "homeowners." It took us three years to get into the position to buy a home, but we got here and are very happy with our purchase. And, honestly, to be able to buy a house on Long Island is a pretty big feat in itself.

The house is a good size for us. It has three bedrooms, one bathroom, a large kitchen, a garage and a 3/4 of an acre of property. There's always the option to expand, up or out...ya know, if we ever have those kids that people have been asking me about for the past three years.

Since we got the keys, we have been working on getting it where we want it. It may not seem like a lot, but we have rooms to paint, a back-splash to install, a fence to put up and TVs to hang. It may seem like only a few things but it is already exhausting and expensive, and I have only been moving things in and painting so far. However, I am fully aware that this is a long and arduous process that will afford me both pleasure and pain.

There was a point a few years ago that I thought it would never happen, just because I was being a pessimist. But, it was time to get out of that apartment and be a big girl and a big boy. So, we did. However, I am not becoming a stuffy, serious adult just because I own a house now. I am still going to be a silly, obnoxious, pain in the butt; I'll just be one that infects an entire house with her ridiculousness. Be prepared, oh and maybe take a pop by. Mi casa es su casa, but clean up after yourself.

I can't stop laughing!

I recently found a website using StumbleUpon that has been cracking me up. It is called WhenParentsText and people send in the random conversations they have with their parents via text message. Some parents know how to text message and some are just winging it, and it is funny.

My parents just purchased a text message plan on their phones and barely use it, unlike me, who sent and received 4,116 texts last month. (In my defense, it was a busy month.) It used to cost them 25 cents to send or receive a text message, so every time I sent them a message they would yell at me for spending their money.

Now, my mother just texts her friend from work and my father barely uses it at all. They are not familiar with the tool. So, when I read the text messages that are posted on WhenParentsText I hear my mother's and father's voices, and then I laugh hysterically. I think this is exactly how it will be when they start to text me. I cannot wait for the day that they send me something ridiculous so I can submit it to be published.

Some of the funniest texts on WhenParentsText include: 

ME: I have to say mom, that wasn’t your best outfit yesterday. 
MOM: Yeah well at least I’m married and have 4 kids…and a JOB. Don’t take your jealousy out on me. 

Mom: Owls 
Me: Huh? 
Mom: I didn’t text that. Just got out of the shower. My phone is haunted :-( 

Mom: Your check just got here in the mail. What should I do with it? 
Me: What check? 
Mom: Just kidding. Dad told me to write that if I wanted a response. We miss you! 

Me: Miss you 
Dad: HI HONEY NICE TO SEE YOUR VOICE

I am telling you, it is hysterical. So hysterical that I have had to wipe tears from my face a few times from laughing so hard. And, there are so many Harry Potter references that I am afraid that my mother is texting other people's children...

So, give WhenParentsText a visit and let me know if you are overcome with laughter. 

Live to eat, but cook only when necessary

After 30 long years of my life, I have noticed that I am not much of a cook, and unfortunately so has my husband. I read a recipe and follow directions like a champ, but the whole "throw something together" gene was not inherited by me from my father. He has this uncanny ability to find random things in the refrigerator and combine them for a semi-gourmet meal. He can cook his beloved Arroz con Pollo almost blindfolded and I can only boil water and toss a salad. As a half Italian, half Puerto Rican, it is embarrassing.

Now, don't get me wrong, I can make cupcakes from scratch, whip together a frosting without a recipe and bake a souffle, but the entree portion of the meal is just not up to par. The only thing I make without a recipe is garlic chicken cutlets, and I already made them for my parents and they were less than impressed.

And what does "salt and pepper to taste" mean? Why doesn't the recipe just say 1/4 teaspoon of salt and 1/8 teaspoon of pepper? Measurements are easier to read and follow. And, I have tried the Cooking for Dummies books and there aren't any pictures. What good is a cookbook without any pictures?

To be honest, I have made a recipe from Giada's cookbook and that came out great, but I haven't really mastered anything at all. My kids are in trouble...

So, I ask: Is there any advice that you received when you started to cook that you could offer up to us young and culinary-challenged? Please comment.

Living with my parents; two weeks in

After 17 days of living with my parents, we are completely content. On Thursdays and a Wednesday, I cook for everyone and on Friday, we get takeout or go to a restaurant. So far, I made crock pot BBQ ribs, mac and cheese with Dorito crumbles and garlic chicken cutlets. My mother says I need to cook, not to give her a break, but so that I can learn how to cook for my family, when I get one. I agree. I love to eat other people's cooking, but my own, I just muscle through.

One serious bonus of living with my parents is that I see Mister Softee a lot more and I seriously love his products and the dependability of his service. The only problem is that he shows up when I get home from work and before I eat dinner. It ruins my whole meal plan. But, it is delicious and worth the $2.50 I pay for a vanilla cone with chocolate sprinkles. What's better than good ice cream that is delivered to you? I can't think of anything either.

TK has his own set of interests while living here. He compares it to living in a hotel. There are fresh, clean towels every day, dinner on the table every night and breakfast every Saturday and Sunday morning. He is completely satisfied, especially since I prepare lunch for him to take to work every day. He is living the life. I am just afraid he will get used to it...

We had my uncle and aunt visit this weekend and it was great to hang out all day, have our dog here and not have to worry about packing up to go home after a long day. When we got tired, we just put on our pajamas and went to bed. I grew up in a house with my parents, my brother, my maternal grandparents, my mom's five brothers and my mother's sister. I enjoy a full house and when I go home I always feel like I am missing something. At least, for now, I won't feel that way. Right now, I am gaining a lot.