Live to eat, but cook only when necessary

After 30 long years of my life, I have noticed that I am not much of a cook, and unfortunately so has my husband. I read a recipe and follow directions like a champ, but the whole "throw something together" gene was not inherited by me from my father. He has this uncanny ability to find random things in the refrigerator and combine them for a semi-gourmet meal. He can cook his beloved Arroz con Pollo almost blindfolded and I can only boil water and toss a salad. As a half Italian, half Puerto Rican, it is embarrassing.

Now, don't get me wrong, I can make cupcakes from scratch, whip together a frosting without a recipe and bake a souffle, but the entree portion of the meal is just not up to par. The only thing I make without a recipe is garlic chicken cutlets, and I already made them for my parents and they were less than impressed.

And what does "salt and pepper to taste" mean? Why doesn't the recipe just say 1/4 teaspoon of salt and 1/8 teaspoon of pepper? Measurements are easier to read and follow. And, I have tried the Cooking for Dummies books and there aren't any pictures. What good is a cookbook without any pictures?

To be honest, I have made a recipe from Giada's cookbook and that came out great, but I haven't really mastered anything at all. My kids are in trouble...

So, I ask: Is there any advice that you received when you started to cook that you could offer up to us young and culinary-challenged? Please comment.

How Much Do You Love the Holidays?

A LOT! That's how much I love the holidays, and not just because I have a week off between Christmas and New Year's. I like that there is something else to say when rude cashiers choke out a, "Have a nice day," to you before you leave the store. A quick, "Have a Merry Christmas," back at them sends a little tinge of guilt for being so grumpy. Ah, the holidays.

I love houses that are lit up more than Times Square because you know that they feel the spirit too. They don't care that their electric bill is insane for one month and they "aren't related to LILCO," like my grandmother used to scream at me when I left the light on in my bedroom. These families just want their house to be a festive sight as cars pass by. My parents' house on the other hand, now that is an interesting site. My Dad has the projection screen with a Santa flying his reindeer upside down in a circle and the lights blink along with the music that plays loudly from the side of the house. This year, apparently, my parents' house is "that house." You know the house; the one that people pass by and say, "What were they thinking when they decorated this year?" Yeah, we don't know what Dad was thinking. I am hoping it was something along the lines of, "It's freezing out here. Let's just throw some lights up and get back on the couch for the Giants game."

Then there's the Christmas baking. I bake cookies, brownies, cupcakes, etc. This year I think I might try my hand at a few of my friends' recipes and pass them off as my own. (Just kidding Colleen.) I just love to bake and sometimes I don't even eat what I make, but I do like watching other people eat them and worry about their own caloric intake.

The craziest part of my holiday is the gift giving. I buy for almost everyone I know: my husband, my family, my friends, my friends' kids, my landlady, my boss, the people I work with, my dog, etc. This year I even added my yoga instructor at work. (It was something small. Don't get all "brown noser" on me. It wouldn't get me anywhere in yoga any way. Come on.) But, every year it never fails; I always think of buying gifts for people I barely know. For instance, year after year I think about giving gas station attendants or cart attendants at Target gloves or mittens because they must freeze out there, but then I think, "I will look creepy and gloves come in sizes. Who knows what size they are?" I have also thought about buying gifts for the folks at McPeak's Adult Home because I haven't had grandparents since 2003, but I can't afford to buy for them all and I can't just buy for the Italian and Puerto Rican ones that remind me of my grandparents. That would just be wrong. So, I just buy for the people that I know and say, "Merry Christmas" to those that I don't know because a smile is contagious and I am giving them something after all.

It is only 4 days until Christmas, but Christmas Eve is really my favorite holiday because my family all gets together to be silly and spend time with each other, and I like the anticipation of it all. I mean, Santa comes on Christmas Eve. Yep, I still believe in Santa Claus and I am glad that I do because it will make it easier to convince my children that He exists (yes that is a capital H). This year, I don't think I made the naughty list, so I am hoping he drops off some good stuff. I think I might even sweeten the deal and leave him some cookies that night too. I think he slips into my house through the air conditioner vent and feeds Duncan Beggin Strips so he doesn't bark. Then he tiptoes into the living room around 3 a.m. and realizes that he is at the wrong house and hops over to my parents' house to drop off my presents. Honestly, every year my presents say, "From, Santa" or "From, Chilly Willy" or "From, Yukon Cornelius," and no my mother does not write them on the tags; they are really from who they say they are from...really.

Anyway, this is all what I have made up in my head for the holiday season. Don't you just love the holidays? :)

30 B4 30 Day 4: Make Creme Brulee

Nothing for me is ever easy. I honestly don't remember ever coasting through anything. Baking is no different. I enjoy it and most of what I bake comes out delicious, but how it gets to that point is always a disaster. I am not graceful and would never be able to have a show on the Food Network because I make a mess and I am no one's Paula Deen or Giada De Laurentiis. I've made cakes, cupcakes, cookies, truffles and even souffles, but since my kitchen is a shoebox, I wear a red polka dot apron and create a tornado. For instance, today's item for the 30 B4 30 project is to Make Creme Brulee, which was a very interesting experience.

First, I bought the Creme Brulee set at Bed, Bath & Beyond and it came with a torch and 4 ramekins. Then I went to Pathmark to pick up the ingredients that I didn't already have in my cupboard. They didn't have vanilla bean, so I had to get pure vanilla extract instead. Sometimes substitutions have to be made.

Then, I got home and started the process. I had to combine the cream, milk and vanilla and then bring it to a boil. After I saw it starting to boil, it started to boil over and like an idiot, I let it happen. It was like watching a car accident and not being able to do anything about it. After the mess was made, I picked it up and moved it to another burner but not before it spilled all over the stove. Then I foolishly tried to sop up the mess with a paper towel and hit the hot burner by mistake, igniting the paper towel. Then I screamed like a girl. It was a good thing I was lazy this morning and didn't wash the dishes because there was a bowl in the sink filled with water so I threw the flaming towel in there. Then TK rushed in to see if I was setting our apartment on fire, which I was not...anymore.

Finally, I blended the rest of the mixture and poured it into the ramekins, created the water bath and placed them in the oven. Phew! But, that wasn't the end of my problems. After the 30 minutes was up, I took the ramekins out of the oven and realized that there was no fuel in the torch. Can't caramelize the sugar without a flame. The burnt sugar crust on the top is what makes Creme Brulee, well, Creme Brulee (it means burnt cream in French). So, I put everything in the fridge and decided that this had to be put on hold until tomorrow. Now, where the hell do I find butane?

P.S. I will add photos upon completion of my task. My apologies.

UPDATE: Here are some photos of the Creme Brulee I finished today after I bought butane at Home Depot. Unfortunately, I put too much brown sugar on the top so there was no glass-like coating. But, the custard part was really good. Even TK liked it after I told him to just scrape the burnt sugar off the top. All in all, a slight success! Now to master the kitchen torch...