Planning a wedding is fun and stressful, and sometimes even triumphant, but for right now, all I feel is sadness. Not because I don't love my TK, I do, more than magazines and Disney World, so that is a lot. I am sad because I feel like I should be doing all this with my grandmother present. She should be chirping in my ear, "Don't do that!" or "That's not how we did it in the olden days!" or "Yellow, who likes yellow?"
I just really miss her now more than ever. When I was a little girl I thought she would be there on my big day. That she would be walking down the aisle before me and sitting in the left pew sobbing through a smile because she was so happy for me. I always thought there would be an invitation with her name on it that I would make sure was perfect because she would save it on her refrigerator for months. I would have to take her dress shopping and have her pick something shiny and beautiful because she didn't want to look old, she wanted to look beautiful. Then she would start throwing money around because anything my mother would not agree to, she would just buy for me like she always had.
When she passed in 2003, I knew she would miss things in my life that I wanted her to be there for, such as my graduation from grad school in 2006, my wedding this year and in the future, the birth of my children. I can still hear her voice in my head and feel her in my heart, I just wish I could see her and touch her to know she is here for me now. I guess I will just have to settle with knowing she surrounds me and protects me everyday from afar, and that is more than a lot of people have.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Future Mrs. Kuehnle
While on vacation in Walt Disney World, we went out to dinner at Cinderella Castle for what I thought was a dinner for my cousin's fiancee Jade. We sped through appetizers, dinner and dessert and I was excited for the fireworks to start. Then the waiter places a dish in front of me, which confused me so I looked at Tom and he said, "That's for you." So I lifted the lid of the dish and saw a glass slipper with a rose in it and the ring, all sitting on a bed of rose petals. Then Tom got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I started to cry and hugged and kissed him. Then he tried to slip on the ring, which I almost forgot about. It didn't fit at first so I had to slip it over my knuckle, then it fit perfect. The photographer started to take pictures as the fireworks started. Then the waiter brought out more dessert that was a white chocolate slipper with chocolate in it and mine read "Will you marry me?" and his said "Happily Every After." It was perfect! Then the photographer took photos of us looking at the fireworks and kissing. I was shocked and was so happy. We are so excited!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
20 for Tom
Well I decided to participate in the Overnight Out of the Darkness walk on June 9th in NYC in honor of my friend Tom who passed away on Halloween of 2006. It is a 20-mile walk for suicide prevention that lasts from 8 p.m. to 5 a.m.
I am trying to raise $1000 for the event and am about 35% there and that is fine because I have a few months. I also have a few months to prepare myself for a walk that may make my legs fall off. I may have to do some training beforehand. I go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week but I still think my feet are going to be burning. However, this is all for a good cause and it gives me something I can actually do for my close friend who I couldn't help while he was alive. Maybe I will help some other person not cause the same hurt and pain for their friends and family.
Please go to www.theovernight.org/fundraising/20forTom and donate to this worthy cause!
I am trying to raise $1000 for the event and am about 35% there and that is fine because I have a few months. I also have a few months to prepare myself for a walk that may make my legs fall off. I may have to do some training beforehand. I go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week but I still think my feet are going to be burning. However, this is all for a good cause and it gives me something I can actually do for my close friend who I couldn't help while he was alive. Maybe I will help some other person not cause the same hurt and pain for their friends and family.
Please go to www.theovernight.org/fundraising/20forTom and donate to this worthy cause!
Monday, December 25, 2006
The Day the Music Stopped
This is a poem I wrote about my friend Tom's death that I read at his funeral. It was hard to write and even harder to read but with the strength that he and my grandmother gave me that day, I was able to read it without a tear. RIP Tom...I miss you every day.
The Day the Music Stopped
Silence is all we heard this Halloween.
No laughter from children, no festive songs were sung...it was just silence on the day the music stopped.
Until the tears started to pour and we heard the collective sobbing of all who were touched by Tom's unique ability to make you feel special and belong. He connected all of us and when we drifted apart, he brought us back together. He reminded us, and still reminds us, that we all have a link to each other. It is him.
His unwavering loyalty and quirky sense of humor made him one of the best friends we would ever know.
When Tom took his own life, rest assured that he did not die alone. A little piece of each of us died too, but we were there with him. He had us and now we have him in our hearts forever.
This tragedy should teach us all to appreciate eachother because the next time you turn around someone you love may not be standing next to you. You may have forgotten to tell them how much you love them or how happy you are that they are in your life. It happened to us...suddenly. We couldn't say goodbye, we couldn't say anything…on the day the music stopped.
By:
Melissa Gonzalez
The Day the Music Stopped
Silence is all we heard this Halloween.
No laughter from children, no festive songs were sung...it was just silence on the day the music stopped.
Until the tears started to pour and we heard the collective sobbing of all who were touched by Tom's unique ability to make you feel special and belong. He connected all of us and when we drifted apart, he brought us back together. He reminded us, and still reminds us, that we all have a link to each other. It is him.
His unwavering loyalty and quirky sense of humor made him one of the best friends we would ever know.
When Tom took his own life, rest assured that he did not die alone. A little piece of each of us died too, but we were there with him. He had us and now we have him in our hearts forever.
This tragedy should teach us all to appreciate eachother because the next time you turn around someone you love may not be standing next to you. You may have forgotten to tell them how much you love them or how happy you are that they are in your life. It happened to us...suddenly. We couldn't say goodbye, we couldn't say anything…on the day the music stopped.
By:
Melissa Gonzalez
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